dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
