So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
