I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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