Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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