oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
