You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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