So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
