The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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