I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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