I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You have to summon your inner elephant
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
