i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The beer is more important than you right now.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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