..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
