It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
