If i come over, it means nothing
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize