I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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