At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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