I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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