i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
