trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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