so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just got carded by a ten year old.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
