saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize