if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
