this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she told me i tasted like america
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
