I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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