so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
