i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
