the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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