I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
