We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
