Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
