You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
