so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
