the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
