Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
