Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
