sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
