i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
