I didn't shave. On purpose
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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