He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
