I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
