I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
