I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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