we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I party with great urgency now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
