No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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