ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
