i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
