the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
