Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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