I accidentally burped into my bong.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
my liver is dry heaving
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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