I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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