My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
