Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
