If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize