Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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