She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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