dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
