just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
