I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
