why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
