I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
