Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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