i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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