So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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