She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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