Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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