I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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