my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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