i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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