I wish I could punch you in the face.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
