I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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