I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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