You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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