One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
