Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
