Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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