around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
