those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it hurts more in the daytime
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
